Dear Mr. Canon - Nick's letter to Canon

Since it's been a while since I've written a rather bizarre letter to a company to see if I'd get a response, I figured that I should write my pals at Canon since I now own 3 of their cameras and 3 expensive lenses. I don't know what I expect to get out of this but all I know is that it goes out tomorrow and we'll see where it goes from there. Hopefully it will be as popular as my Pizza Hut campaign since it's led to my national ad campaign as the face of PH (oh wait...)
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Tod Pike
Canon U.S.A., Inc.
1 Canon Plz
New Hyde Park, NY 11042-1119

Dear Mr. Canon-

My name is Nick and I love Canon cameras. For serious, they rock. I'm not what you'd call a normal Canon customer since I do a lot of international traveling for fun. I've taken my beloved Canon dSLR (a well beaten Rebel XT, and now a 40D!) and some L series lenses to over 25 countries (6 continents with the next one coming soon) since I've had it in the last 2 years.

Seriously, I am your #1 fan. I was dating this girl for some time and she was looking at digital cameras to buy. I'm like, here, why don't you look at my awesome Canon camera equipment. She was like, wow, this is awesome stuff! So I'm all excited and thinking wow, this is a great opportunity for us to bond AND THEN WHAT DID SHE DO? SHE BOUGHT A DAMN NIKON DSLR. It was worse than being cheated on, because I figure - neither she or the dude she's cheating on me with still doesn't have a kickass camera (unless he was a professional photographer with one of the 1D series cameras, in that case, I would cry). I mean, we couldn't even share lenses or memory cards or any thing that a relationship is built on. It was over. True story.

My photos are progressively getting better, but I think it's because I to go a lot of cool places and can't edit them as nice as I'd like. My technique is awful, but my camera sure makes me look important. Last Halloween I was trying to take photos down the Chicago River and it was cold and windy so I decided to go to the nearest bar which was at the Sheraton. I had all my camera stuff with me and they asked if I was the photographer for the Vibe Magazine sponsored Halloween party. So I said, sure, I can be! So thanks to my Canon dSLR, a pudgy dorky guy wandered around a Vibe Magazine party and took photos. Then the dental convention from upstairs came down and it was like LOL because it was totally hilarious. I took more photos and met nice people, including one of the Chicago Bulls players. If it wasn't for my Canon camera, they would have been like "get lost sucker." Thanks Canon!

Oooh, and don't forget the lenses. I love my L series lenses. Don't get me wrong - the non L's were great lenses but the L series lenses were like totally awesome. It's like when you've never had ice cream and you're introduced to Mr. Haagen Daas and you're like - holy crap this is awesome! And then came the L series lenses and that was like having Cold Stone ice cream, which is like a superslam of awesome. That's what your L series lenses mean to me.

I got the Powershot TX1 as my pocket camera so I don't have to worry about hitting the bars or nightclubs with a big dSLR. Nothing says dork like that. It's a cute little camera and I have my manhood mocked when I use it but I take better photos, so I mock them in return.

If you can, I would be your total bff if you came up with something that removes tourists from my photos within the Canon software included with cameras, that'd be totally awesome. You would even make my Christmas card list if you did that. Even better, something that shoots pain rays out of my L series lenses so that idiots won't get in my way when I'm trying to take a super cool photo. Megapixels are all cool and stuff but if I can make idiots get out of my way would make for even better photos. For serious.

If you ever need an amateur photographer to test new toys out, I'm your man. I run around the globe and can test out stuff in all sorts of situations, from frigid cold to hot as a mother. I'd even tell you how much the girls would like the camera. Imagine that! A SLR has the women flocking to you! It'd be just like the beer commercials but without guys who look like total jerkfaces.


Shutterly yours,



Nick Hawkins
Canon Enthusiast